Laundered Stripper Money and Thank You's

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

So here I am sipping on a glass of wine, (I may have abandoned my no more drinking rule for a few days. Don’t judge me!) listening to Chris Stapleton, in Portland, Maine soaking it all in. We brought my son, Josh, a U-Haul full of his furniture and personal belongings to Portland. It is here that he has chosen to chase a dream and find himself…for a bit. He and Richard are busy hanging shelves, tacking up lights, putting pictures on the walls and keeping Lowes in business. When I was Josh’s age, finding my passion or doing what speaks to me, was not “a thing.” I was busy trying to have it all; a successful relationship, kids, career, mortgage, a white picket fence…you get the picture.  Doing something that just felt good and filled my heart with joy wasn’t something I really thought about but here I am…better late than never. I’m not saying I am going to become a hard-core eventer.  Romeo’s days are numbered and honestly, I got lucky a few times at Jump Start. 

I digress…So those that know me know that I can be pretty frugal. Although 3 of my 4 children are off of our payroll, spending money on myself (other than the occasional mani/pedi) is few and far between. For me to pay a trainer, keep an older horse moving, and pay all that goes with eventing is out of my allotted weekly budget. I wasn’t comfortable spending “our” money on me chasing a bucket list item; but there was my laundered stripper money tucked away in a special hiding place. 

Don’t get excited! The money isn’t really laundered…well sort of and I was never a stripper. Years ago, when the three older kids were middle school age, I would get so frustrated with finding money in the washer and dryer. “Don’t ya’ll care that you're missing $5” or “this change adds up!” My sometimes absent-minded husband, left a trail of dollar bills as well. After what I’m sure was years of bitching and moaning, I declared all laundered money, to be mine. If I am going to wash it, and you don’t care about losing it, it will become mine. For years I have had a mason jar on a shelf above the washer and dryer.  If it was a penny or the very rare Andrew Jackson (thanks, Richard) and I laundered it, it went into the jar and became mine.  Over time, I accumulated quite the stash. As the change would overflow the jar, I would sit in front of the television and roll it. Pennies became dollars. The crisp Bounce fragranced dollars grew. It even got to be substantial enough for me to feel obligated to tell Sarah (our oldest) about it so that if anything ever happened to me…just in case. 

What should I spend it on? It was beginning to burn a hole in my pocket. Should I get a little something-something done to get rid of these wrinkles? A cool piece of art? Something for the house? No, that’s not for me. It’s gotta be for me. And so there it was…that halter…taunting me. Do an event! Do an event! Romeo is home! Do an event! Money could not be an excuse. It would not affect my household budget. I had my laundered stripper dollars…there was no excuse. 

I had mentioned my laundered stripper to Erika for years. She knew about my stash but didn’t fully appreciate it until I actually pulled the trigger and started riding with her. After at least the first 4 or 5 lessons, I would pull out my crisp, fresh and clean stack of ones.  I would count them off; one, two, three, four. “You weren’t kidding!” she said after the first few lessons. Just for giggles, if I laundered someone’s cash over the past month, I would text her just to say, “I made enough for another lesson!” 

So in the line of thank yous, I should first thank my kids for being kiddos and not keeping up with their change.  To my adult children for understanding when I said, “the next month and a half is for me. Don’t ask.” For understanding if I had to cancel plans on short notice.  For loving me enough to not only understand but to be happy for me. And to Josh, for reminding me of the importance of inner happiness. For showing me how to take pause and enjoy the ride...not just the conclusion. 

And Emily, for whom I know this wasn’t easy. Sitting on the sidelines, watching me ride in your saddle, use your CCI* never-been-used dressage saddle pad, and neatly hung show clothes.  When corrected by a judge for standing too close to cross country jump #12 (the scary one), you declared, “But that’s my mom!” so the judge let you stay and cheer me over! Thanks for letting me into your world. It has been an honor and privilege to be your eventing mom.

And of course, thank you to my husband who on a good day, you can follow him around and watch the loose change fall out of his pockets! Richard, on August 21 when I said I want to do this but “I will need your support,” you didn't hesitate. Thank you for at least trying to hide your eye roll when I said I need to borrow your truck…again. For ignoring the laundry and the quick fix dinners and for rubbing my back when I thought I couldn’t go any further. For knowing when I was honestly scared and for asking me why I was smiling when you knew the answer. To my partner and soul mate, thank you. Thank you family, you were my world from the very beginning and will always be. 

And to our trainer and friend. Erika, thank you for believing in me and knowing that we could pull it off (when others doubted us) in such a short amount of time. Thank you for knowing that when I wasn’t smiling, you shouldn’t push. And thank you for accepting my laundered stripper ones. It still makes me smile….

For the entire Road Less Traveled Eventing team; WOW! Believe it or not, growing up, I was a shy, quiet girl who never fit in in at any level of school; grade school thru college. Other than a short stint at a private dance studio, I had no real distinctive talents and was certainly never on a team of any sort. To hear your cheers and words of encouragement and to be a part of something bigger than me filled a void that has always been vacant. 

And a special thank you to my team member/editor, Katherine M who took on the dubious challenge of editing my blogs and weeding through my random thoughts of giddiness and fear. I have recently deleted as many as 300 texts between us, some of which were quite comical!

To Jump Start Horse Trials put on by the Keeneland Pony Club; thank you for continuing to produce one of the best events of the year and for giving me the opportunity to be a part of it. I’m pretty certain you arranged the perfect weather as well as outstanding courses! And to Eventing Nation for picking up my little blog and in doing so, provided support and cheers from around the world!

Thank you to my cousin who I didn’t have to drag to this event against his will, to my mom who lovingly thought those starter jumps were as scary as Em’s preliminary jumps and my brother and friends for supporting me. 

To Jen and Nic for caring so much about Romeo that faithful day you interviewed us as we horse shopped and for standing beside us throughout the years since. 

And a special thank you to the Brown family. We can never thank them enough for caring so much about Romeo and allowing him to come home to us. Knowing that here, he could spend his days grazing in the fields, receiving lots of attention and humoring my baby eventing dreams and me! Thank you for your generosity. 

And of course, to Romeo. There were so many times when Em was on your back that I was convinced you just weren’t the nicest dude. I now know that you are not only sensitive and caring but because of your thoroughness, you taught my daughter how to ride properly and not just be a passenger. And I dare say, you taught me as well. You don’t want to refuse the jumps, you want your rider to know what they are doing and help us both safely find the other side. I look at him differently now. There is a kindness in his eye that I simply didn’t recognize before. Our home is and will always be yours.

On a side note, when Romeo returned home from his previous owners, Loki had taken over as the lead dog in the field. Romeo wasn’t happy about it but eventually he caved to Loki’s youth and athleticism. But upon returning from Jump Start, I watched the roles reverse back a bit. Romeo has his swagger back. 

I’m pretty certain I overheard this conversation take place as Romeo unloaded from Jump Start. Still in his poultice and leg wraps; he walks toward the gate. Loki came running.

Loki – Where’ve ya been? Huh? Where’ve ya been? What cha been doin?

Romeo (Taking a sip from the waterer…first) – I had to go to Kentucky to work at an event. The older one wanted to see how it’s done. 

Loki – Really? How did it go?

Romeo -  We finished very well. She talks a lot. Likes to kick. I had to bail her out a few times but I took care of her…didn’t let her get hurt.

Loki- That’s so cool. Tell me more!

Romeo – Later. Time to graze and stretch these legs. (he walks off with Loki following close behind)

Loki – Wait for me, wait for me!

So this part, this part I’m about to write…the happy ending…the mark it off the bucket list…the I ACTUALLY DID IT!

I’m probably being redundant but I have to say one more time. I never have really set a personal goal for me and only me. I have been extremely successful in careers, my marriage, my home, etc. but never have I just gone rogue and done something like this. It was terrifying. There were times that I would catch my breath and wonder what in the world I was doing. There were times when I wanted to throw in the towel. There were times that I wanted it to be over and then there were the other times. Times I felt like I was flying, like my face was going to break from smiling so much, like I really was inching my way towards the finish line.

I’m not the best at taking compliments. For whatever reasons, when someone pays me a compliment, I find myself making an excuse or downplaying it. I don’t like the attention.  As we drove toward the horse park September 29th, I told myself that no matter what happened, when someone says good ride, great job, or it happens to the best, just smile and say thanks. No rebuttals, no if-onlys! As we made it through dressage and then stadium, I kept reminding myself…be grateful. Just say thank you. Don’t mention the dressage judge or missing your mark or time penalties. There will be no if-onlys. Just smile and say thanks. Be proud of yourself. What an even larger than life moment for me? It wasn’t perfect but it was fun, kind, loving, satisfying and to everyone who cheered me on and read my little blog, I say thank you and I am grateful. You made this journey complete.

And that night when I couldn’t sleep. When I was pouring over the internet trying to find the words to help me get through this monumental task; thanks to a real bad ass, Amelia Earhart.

The most difficult thing is the decision to act- The halter that taunted me.  “I’m going to Jump Start.” 

The rest is merely tenacity.- When it was too hot, too hard, too tired, refusals, just too damn scared.

The fears are paper tigers – Oxers, barn thingys, more refusals, everything cross country and stadium!

You can do anything you decide to do – I am riding in a USEA event on Romeo. I said I was going to do it and I did. 

You can act to change and control your life and the procedure -  Hanging up my mom and wife hat and telling my own mom and family that the next month and a half was for me. Ask me on October 2. I’m busy until then. 

The process is its own reward – “Finish what you start,” my dad used to say. He would be proud. It’s what I tell my kids all of the time. No longer just words; Now, it has meaning. The 4^th place finish was phenomenal and completely unexpected. The 40-days that led to that finish was the real reward.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

Heels down. Eyes up. Leg on.

A 40 Day Crash Course in Eventing: A Prelim Mom’s Journey to Starter –I give myself an A+